there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
