She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
