Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The Olympian is in my bed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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