Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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