I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
