How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
