so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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