Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
