We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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