Already got asked if we're dating
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
