sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
