I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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