Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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