Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I understand Curling. That high.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
