That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
