It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
