When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
