So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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