In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
