I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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