I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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