Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
