Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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