fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
