she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
