i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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