I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
