Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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