Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
