So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
