Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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