honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
