Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
