I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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