apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
