I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
