Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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