Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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