I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
