In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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