That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
