Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
