Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
