Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
