theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
