so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
