I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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