its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
