You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
