He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize