She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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