Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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