Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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