He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
