Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
