My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
