Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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