but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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