I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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