Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
