Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
