i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize