I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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