We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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