oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize