Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
