I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
