So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
