I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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