hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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