We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize