Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
