Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
