My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize